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Constance, I think I am starting to have more understanding of you.
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Both parts of you are the true you. The part that cannot be accepting is existing alongside the part that can.
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These two are always fighting inside you. It is very difficult.
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I would venture to say that you have described me most aptly.
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There is still much about myself I have yet to understand, but the idea that the two parts of me exist in a state of conflict is most intriguing.
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Before, you were telling me there was no point in having conflict over the past.
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You were letting go of the past to be living in the present. Your words were touching my heart.
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Yes, I do suppose I may have said something to that effect. How mortifying.
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But then you fled before I could be responding.
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That was showing me that you have difficult feelings for me after all.
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This is also one part of you battling with the other, I think.
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It is entirely possible that such is the case. As I could never hide the truth from you, I must admit I found you somewhat intimidating.
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Despite my springing the topic on you without warning, you stood strong and listened, and were even gracious enough to discuss it afterward.
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You dazzled me, and I do not respond well to dazzling. I am weak and pathetic as I am now.
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No. That is not weakness. It is balance.
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The weak part is existing so the other part can be strong for you.
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Are you not agreeing?
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Why ever would you think that?
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Because I am the same. I am also having a weak part.
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Like you, I am always pretending that the past is not bothering to me.
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But my father is dead, as are many of my people. This gives me great sorrow, and I am unable to be accepting. The weak part of me is winning.
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Why is it that I am still living, when so many others had to be dying?
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That is a thought that I ponder often, myself. For what purpose am I even here?
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Why is it that I am the only one left to suffer? Is there anything left for me to live for?
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All I feel is the pain of the people I have lost.
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But I know now that someone like you—a person as dazzling as the other part of me—also shares that same pain.
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Of course.
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May I be so bold as to ask what it is that gives you solace?
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My brother and sister back home. They are still very small, but thinking of them always provides me with strength.
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If I am not able to be claiming the throne, they are likely to be killed.
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Brigid expects me to be a strong queen. A warrior.
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Only I can be improving our relations with Fódlan. I must be rising to the challenge.
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Where are you finding your solace?
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I take peace in the dream the other part of me still believes in.
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The dream that one day, House Nuvelle will be restored to its former glory. As unlikely as this seems, I find I am unable to discard it entirely.
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Then let us both be taking heart. We will be living, and we will be fighting.
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We are sharing a past of sorrow. But together, we can be overcoming it, and walking on towards tomorrow.
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You have my deepest thanks, Petra.
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Alone, I may never have found the courage I need. But with you beside me...there is hope.